Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
