i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
