I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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