Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
