Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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