we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
