We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
