Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i came on her dog
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
