Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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