What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Can Purell be used as lube?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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