She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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