well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
