Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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