I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
