Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
