i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
