my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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