# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
that's an acceptable place to lick
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
