there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
