Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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