I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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