I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
