i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
