he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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