Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
