come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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