We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
