Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
