Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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