i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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