you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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