I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Drunk is a universal language darling
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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