I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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