Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
