Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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