i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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