JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
