Do vagina's smell?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
