I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
