The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
