wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
