I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
