The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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