whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
