she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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