Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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