Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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