It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
