First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
