would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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