Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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