I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
