The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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