we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
