Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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