If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
