Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
