Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
