I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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