I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
