I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
