Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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