What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
