He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
