Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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