I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
